Empathy – the ability to sense what someone else is feeling and understand it from their point of view – is a vital part of being human. We often hear that neurodiverse people, especially those with autism (ASC), struggle with this aspect of social interaction.
However, many families and people who work with kids with special needs believe that empathy isn’t ‘black and white’ and that neurodiverse people often have more fellow-feeling than we give them credit for.
Daisy has two teenage children, a daughter with ADHD and an autistic son with ADHD. “Despite their struggles, they’re both quite sensitive,” she notes. “My daughter can always instantly tell what mood I’m in by the tone of my voice, even on the phone. Sometimes, I don’t even need to say anything. My son sometimes struggles to understand why he needs to behave a certain way in social situations but he’s always kind to me if I’m upset. A few times, he’s mentioned something I was thinking about – as if he’s read my mind!”
Neurodiversity Can be Subtle
Tutor Gemma is a SEN teacher/tutor and a qualified Reiki practitioner. “We, as a society, have formed a rigid view of certain conditions and what they entail,” she explains. “We tend to think, for example, that someone with ASC is likely to be a male who’s good at maths but struggles socially. We also assume that someone with ADHD is a naughty boy who won’t sit still.
“But more and more people are noticing subtleties and nuances in people’s behaviours and we’re coming to realise that these conditions may not be as clear-cut as we first thought.”
Some young people with ADHD or autism/ASC can become hyper-aware of other people’s behaviour, Gemma says, perhaps as a result of trying to copy their peers and ‘fit in’. “This can result in some children being very ‘in tune’ with their circumstances,” she elaborates. “I remember when I was a class teacher in a special school, sometimes having an irritating moment in the staffroom. Although I took care to compose myself and hide my feelings before I went into the class, someone would always say to me, ‘Miss, what’s wrong?’”
Spiritual Aspects to Neurodiversity
Taking a different perspective, some people, Gemma points out, regard youngsters with all kinds of SEND as ‘indigo children’ who have come to the planet to show humankind alternative ways of thinking and behaving. They also maintain that, as part of this, neurodiverse kids sometimes have spiritual abilities such as heightened intuition, she says.
SEN Tutor Jane has a lot of experience with autistic students and has observed that they display varying degrees of empathy which sometimes manifests in unusual ways. “Some young people are very insular and so preoccupied with their own challenges that they don’t appear to be very empathetic,” she comments, “though that’s not to say they don’t feel things on the inside.
“On the other hand, one of my students, a young man of twenty, is so ‘tuned in’ to my reactions that he gets upset if I show the slightest hint of exasperation. If I even raise my eyebrows during the lesson, he takes it very badly. But I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing for someone to see you getting annoyed sometimes. A bit of ‘real life’ doesn’t hurt.”
Teachers Need to use Empathy and Intuition
Jane recalls another pupil who was kind and attentive to cats but less tolerant of humans, while another student once warned her to put her fingers in her ears as they were about to scream. “Which, I suppose, was showing empathy for my feelings!” she laughs.
It’s also essential for teaching staff to use their own empathy when working with young people with SEN, she acknowledges. “You have to work out quite quickly what their quirks are so you can adapt. Sometimes a student comes to the lesson and you can tell they’re not feeling great but they might not be able to tell you exactly what’s bothering them. You can’t ask too much, as you might do with a neurotypical child, so you just take the lesson slowly and let them do as much as they can.”
